ねぇねぇ、誰か知ってる?東京ディズニーランドは、もう止まらない止められない!!
突然ですが、1億円の使い道を考えてみました。しかし使い切れません・・・。
<ここからが手書き部分1です>
新幹線の学割を使って、お得に東京ディズニーランドに行ってみよう!
この写真は去年、友達と行ったディズニーシーです(*^^)v
<ここまでが手書き部分1です>


![トウキョウディズニーリゾート25th アニバーサリー・グランドフィナーレ“ドリーム・ゴーズ・オン”ドリームス・ウィズイン[トウキョウディズニーランド]](http://images-jp.amazon.com/images/P/B001JECF5O.09._SX120_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg)
著者:TDL & TDS裏技調査隊出版社:廣済堂出版サイズ:新書ページ数:223p発行年月:2006年01月この著者の新着メールを登録する毎年好評、東京ディズニーランド&シー裏技ハンディガイドの2006年版が登場。持ち歩きやすいハンディサイズで、とっても便利です!【内容情報】(「BOOK」データベースより)マル秘テクがひと目でわかるイラスト満載。現地でゼッタイ役立つMAPや早見表付き。2006年最新情報。【目次】(「BOOK」データベースより)東京ディズニーリゾート最新情報/東京ディズニーリゾート基本情報/東京ディズニーランド攻略ガイド/東京ディズニーシー攻略ガイド/東京ディズニーリゾートインフォメーション/アトラクション/ショー/レストラン/ショップ早見表この商品の関連ジャンルです。 ・本> 旅行・留学・アウトドア> テーマパーク
Fun to find book出版社:講談社サイズ:絵本ページ数:25p発行年月:2007年05月東京ディズニーランドのさがしもの絵本東京ディズニーランドの、にぎやかで美しい10場面をセレクト。ミッキーはどこに? パークの細部までじっくり楽しめる写真集です。新しい発見があるかも!?【内容情報】(「BOOK」データベースより)ドナルド、グーフィーといっしょに東京ディズニーランドへ、レッツゴー!ミッキーたちが住む街、トゥーンタウンからスタートして、7つのテーマランドをめぐろう!それぞれのシーンでミッキーにたどりつく手がかりを見つけてね。どこかですれちがったかも?よく見るとほかにも、パークには発見がいっぱい。すべて見つけられたら、あなたはパークの達人かも。この商品の関連ジャンルです。 ・本> 絵本・児童書・図鑑> 絵本> 絵本(日本)
世にも奇妙な東京ディズニーランド物語。ただ奇妙なだけではなく、そこから何を感じ取れるか。
今日のお勧めリンクをはっておきますね。
HOME > 東京ディズニーランド. 最新のFlash Playerをダウンロードして、お楽しみください。 >>ディズニー・ファストパス >>ガイドツアー >>ショースケジュール >>施設の休止情報 >>バリアフリー >>東京ディズニーランドからのおねがい >>キャスト募集(3/20、21、22に面接会開催! ...Tokyo Disney Resort
http://www.tokyodisneyresort.co.jp/tdl/index.html
Official site. In Japanese and English.東京ディズニーランドホテル
http://www.tokyodisneyresort.co.jp/
東京ディズニーランドの正面に建つ東京ディズニーランドホテルは、ワールドバザールの雰囲気と調和した美しい外観。ヴィクトリア朝時代の壮麗かつ華やかな雰囲気 がみなさまをお迎えします。 ... プレミアムダイニング・スペシャル宿泊プラン. ディズニーホテルに宿泊しよう!お得なキャンペーン&イベント情報. 2009年6月15日 ...
http://www.disneyhotels.jp/tdh/index.html
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
The truth is more important than the facts.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Why don't you write books people can read?
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The truth is more important than the facts.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
If you are going through hell, keep going.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I am not young enough to know everything.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
If a man does his best, what else is there?
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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